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LOVING YOUR CHILDREN WITHOUT SPOILING THEM

This is the ‘Love’ month! It is only fair that we share on some tips on how to love our children without spoiling them. Its natural to think that loving our child should come so easily and naturally but at times raising children can be like an emotional rollercoaster ride. One minute we love them dearly and the other minute we wonder what we got ourselves into. It is okay to admit that we all feel like this at times. We love our children but it is often their actions that we don’t necessarily admire or understand. It is the parent’s responsibility to guide and teach their children and most of all to be positive role models.

Showing love and spoiling a child are very different. When we respond to a child’s needs such as when a baby cries –for food, comfort, etc. – this is not spoiling. Or if parents give treats and rewards that they feel good about giving – this may not be spoiling. Children become spoiled when they can push their parents into giving them the things the parents don’t think they should have. Often spoiled children aren’t happy, even when they are given everything that they want. So, how do we love them? Lets think of a child as having little emotional love tanks. It is the parents’ responsibility to keep these tanks full in order to raise healthy, confident and productive adults in our societyhugging

As with adults, children require ‘5 Languages Of Love:

 Physical Touch :

Hugging, holding hands, kisses, backrub, playful wrestling etc.

  1. Words of Affirmation :

Affection, endearment, praise, compliments, positive guidance. This includes tone, volume, pace, and other non-language components of speech.

  1. Quality Time :

Playing, talking, walking, working, driving, shopping, reading, etc. This includes listening, eye contact, sharing with each other. It is very hard to have quality time without sharing a quantity of time together.

  1. Gifts:

Keepsake, souvenir, found, made, purchased. Remember big or small. Presents are not a substitute for your presence.

  1. Acts of Service :

Cooking, cleaning, fixing, teaching, encouraging, etc.

You must have the desire and feel good a bout giving to the other and not feel it is out of fear, resentment, slavery or guilt. Parents do use most of these love languages but may  not realize how important they are in helping their child to feel loved.

Children need all of these, but as they get older, one or two love languages will mean more to one child than another. In other words, that particular love language will make them feel loved and good about themselves much faster with more fulfillment than other love languages. Therefore it is also filling up their emotional love tank much faster. Many parents can probably already figure out which one their child prefers. We want to keep our children’s emotional love tanks filled with these love languages as much as possible. Every day their emotional love tanks drain out through the daily encounters and activities and stresses – which is why by supper time they are often cranky and tired.

When your child appears to be feeling low, upset, frustrated, and moody – it can be because their tank has emptied out and this is the time for parents to fill that back up. Life happens and its busy and sometimes not always pleasant – we can’t always prevent this but we can help our children face it by keeping their emotional love tanks full.

Children with full emotional love tanks are more likely to be happy, confident and resilient to their environment. They are less likely to get caught up in the negative lifestyles that so many of us parents worry about. Make sure that emotional love tank is full before your child heads out that door in the morning. It will make a world of difference in how your child will handle their day. So remember to tell your child “I love you”, make time for your child, laugh and play with your child, focus on your child’s accomplishments and listen to your child.